


Back to you

by justarkham



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, alex manes - Freeform, maria deluca - Freeform, max isn’t dead, michael guerin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:32:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18589468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justarkham/pseuds/justarkham
Summary: Set after episode 13 but some elements have changedAfter seeing Michael and Maria at the Pony, Alex decides to leave Roswell feeling unwanted and rejected by the man he loves.He returns months later with a beautiful boy  Jordan on his arm and this sparks jealousy in MichaelorMichael gets jealous of Alex’s new boyfriend





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it, it’s going to be a rocky ride but Malex will be together in the end

Alex waited, waited for Michael’s rusty truck to drive towards the trailer but it never came.  
He looked down at his watch it read 14:20, he’d been waiting for Michael to return for hours. Thousand’s of thoughts were rushing through his head:

Was Michael okay?  
What had happened with Noah?  
How could Alex have let Michael leave alone? 

He had been gone a long time and left so abruptly, Alex feared something had happened to him. He knew Michael was strong and could look after himself but he was worried for the man he loves and he hoped he was safe and is able to listen to what he has to say. 

Alex knows he has to apologise for all the times he left him, for going to war and leaving him alone. He needs him to know how much he means to him and how as long as he lives, he will always love Michael. He is his family. 

 

\- 2 hours passed - 

 

‘I’ll be back in the morning, we’ll talk then’ but he never came. Alex’s heart had been racing since he came to the realisation that Michael wasn’t going to show. There must’ve been a reason why he didn’t show, why he wasn’t here right now trying to mend his broken heart. He’s an idiot he thought, how could he have let him leave alone and not asked him where he was going? Obviously it was somewhere dangerous and you left him to face a murderer. Alone.  
Why do you think you deserve him if you can’t even protect him from harm? 

All the thoughts were consuming him, he needed to leave the trailer and find out what had happened to Michael, he needed to know he was alive at the very least. 

The first place Alex decided to look was Max’s house, he knew that if anyone knew where Michael was it would be Max and Isobel. He drove as steady as he could, his hands were shaking and his heart was pounding scared of what he might find. Alex parked outside the house and saw the window had been smashed. There was blood everywhere and glass scattered across the floor. Michael. Tears began to fall from his eyes as he searched desperately for a sign that he was there. ‘Michael’ he called over and over again hoping by some miracle he would turn up unharmed. He left Max’s house and frantically got to his car, his hands shaking even more than before as he decided on his next destination. 

The Wild Pony. 

Alex knew that there was awkwardness between him and Maria but he hoped they could set this aside to help find Michael. Although Maria didn’t know anything about the Alien’s that live in Roswell, her relationship with Liz meant she was her closest confidant so she might know what happened to Max and why Michael needed to go help him. 

When Alex pulled into the parking lot at the Pony he saw Michael’s truck parked outside. His face dropped as new tears formed in his eyes. His heart was hammering in his chest as he left the car not knowing what to expect as he reached the door. He looked in the window and saw Michael and Maria sat smiling at each other. Michael had his hands in her hair and was whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Alex heart smashed. The pieces scattered on the floor around him. 

How could he have been so stupid? 

To think that someone could love him as much as he loved them. He didn’t deserve happiness. Living in a house with Jesse Manes, he thought joining the war would give him a fresh start but the resentment grew and the hatred he had for his father remained. He was incapable of being loved, his father always knew it. Knew what kind of sick excuse of a man he was. He thought this time was different. He thought with communication and with things out in the open he could actually commit to Michael and show him what it’s like to be loved so strongly that it supersedes everything, but he was wrong. If Michael wanted to be with him, if Michael loved him, he would be at the trailer now telling Alex how much he means to him, instead he’s kissing Maria Deluca, the person Alex thought was his best friend. 

Alex swore at himself again.  
‘Blinded by love’ he really was the soldier boy cliche. Didn’t know what was happening before his eyes. He knew that Michael had slept with numerous people over the years but this time it was different. Maria was meant to be Alex’s best friend. She knew how much Michael had meant to Alex yet she still decided to stomp all over his heart, not caring about the consequences. 

Alex knew he had to get away. Get away from the constant heart shattering reminder that he has lost the love of his life. Lost the only man he’s ever loved to his best friend. He tried to be brave but just the mere thought of Michael and Maria made Alex’s heart hurt. He knows he can’t handle it right now. Maybe in the future when things have settled down but not right now when the emotions and the rejection is so raw. So he decides to leave. To leave Roswell, even if only for a few months he knows he won’t be missed. With everything that’s going on at the moment he knows everyone has a lot on their plates and won’t be worrying about him. He has no family to miss him, so he goes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael finds out Alex has left Roswell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @fxndomlocks - instagram for lockscreens of your favourite tv show characters 
> 
> @justarkham - personal
> 
> Updates whenever

Michael’s eyes fluttered open, still hungover from the night before he laid in bed not moving a muscle. 

In the few blissful moments before reality hit him, he remembered Alex. The guilt surrounding him when the realisation struck that he had left the man that he loves alone in such a vulnerable time. He was a coward. He laid still staring at the ceiling, heart clenched in his chest. He knew he had made a mistake with Maria. It wasn’t fair on her or Alex but still he went along with it, too late to go back... the damage was already done. The thought of Alex waiting hours to talk but never getting the chance made his eyes sting with tears. He never meant for Alex to be hurt during all of this, he just wanted to be happy without any problems - he just wanted the pain to stop. 

Michael decided he had to apologise, he’d go to the cabin today and tell Alex he’s sorry and explain everything that happened. How he escaped a killer, almost died and Rosa returning. Alex was the only one who could understand him, could speak to him and reassure him, making all his fears wash away. He didn’t have that with Maria, he doesn’t even think he ever will. 

A knock on the door brought Michael out of his thoughts. He wondered who would be calling on him at this hour, he had only been a wake a mere few minutes and with everything settling down, he assumes nothing too serious has happened during the space of a few hours.

‘Hellooooooo, i brought breakfast’ Maria called out in a joyful tone.  
Michael opened the door to be greeted by an excited Maria who wore a grin the size of Jupiter. She handed him the bag and coffee and barged her way through the door, sitting down on the bed.  
When Maria had settled, her eyes wondered around the caravan until a group of pictures caught her eye. Michael watched as she grabbed the pictures and immediately started flicking through them. They were private. For his eyes only, what gave her the right to be nosy and look through his private possessions. He saw the look of confusion and jealousy spread on her face.  
‘I thought you chose me, you don’t need these pictures of Alex anymore...just let it go’ 

His ears rang as he remembered the previous conversation with Alex; ‘Just let it go’. It had killed Michael to hurt Alex like that, but he needed him to leave. He couldn’t be the reason for Alex dying, he had a beautiful life to live and he couldn’t hold him back from that. 

‘Michael’ Maria called out, waving her hand in his face to break him out of his trance.  
Michael’s face was blank. How dare she come into his home and tell him how to live his life. Why do people think that just because they’re in a relationship they have full control over the person? 

‘What?’ he questioned as she looked down to think of something to say.

Sometimes he thinks he’s happy with Maria but then she does things that annoy him and overtime he knows this will be their downfall. He’s so used to being alone, a string of one night stands but the only thing that ever made him complete was Alex Manes. He missed his laugh, his smile. The way his forehead creases when he’s worried. He misses how he wraps his arms around Michael so tightly whilst he sleeps, scared he’s going to let go and he’ll be back to square one, broken and alone. He misses the way Alex made him feel. Like he was set on fire with emotions, he wished he had that with Maria - he longed for it. Maybe overtime he could grow to love her but right now he doesn’t see how. 

The strumming of guitar strings brought Michael to the surface. He watched as Maria sat patiently with his guitar in her hand trying to muster up a tune. She was terrible at it but she didn’t get the hint and carried on playing without a care in the world. 

‘I think you should get rid of the things that remind you of Alex, if you keep holding onto past memories you will never move forward’ Michael’s eyes flashed towards her face, her expression blank. 

He understood where she was coming from, he shouldn’t hold onto past memories. He’s let Alex go, he needs to prove that he has but he doesn’t think he can part with the memories of the last 10 years. A decade of loving someone doesn’t go away just by throwing away a few things. Just to make Maria happy he said he would remove all ‘Alex related stuff’ from the trailer and throw them out but he knew this wasn’t going to happen. 

15 minutes had passed. They had been talking meaninglessly about the plans for the day, Maria telling Michael she was having a party for Rosa at the Wild Pony and that he was invited as her date. He didn’t know if he was ready to introduce Maria as his girlfriend, not wanting the judgemental looks from Max and Isabel. He knows they mean well but he should have control over his own life not them. Another 15 minutes had passed and Maria said her goodbyes and told Michael the time of the party, she kissed him on the cheek before leaving and added a quick comment to get rid of the Alex reminders. 

When she left Michael collapsed on the bed, feeling exhausted. The last half hour with Maria had made him feel so tired, tired of acting okay. He wanted to express how he was feeling, wanting to speak about his problems but he knew she would never understand. 

He busied himself with collecting all the things he was meant to throw away. Alex’s guitar, a shirt he had left behind, pictures of them together. He knew he couldn’t part with the items and he doesn’t think he ever will. What Maria doesn’t know won’t hurt her he thought as he moved the trailer away to reveal the door underneath. He put all the stuff inside the bunker under the ground making sure it was safe from harms way. He knew it wasn’t healthy but he couldn’t throw it away. It would be like deleting the last 10 years and that’s something he can never bring himself to do. Now with his hand being fixed he needed the reminder that Alex was real, that what they had was real. As he was leaving the bunker he remembered the promise he had made himself when he woke up. He promised to find Alex today and to explain everything. He’s well aware that the look on Alex’s face when he tells him everything is going to split him in two, but he’s also aware that he can’t keep leading him on, he needs Alex to be free from the messed up shit storm life of Michael Guerin. He deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. 

He got dressed and jumped into his truck. He drove steadily to Alex’s cabin, knowing full well the reaction he’s going to have, but he owed it to him to cut the ties, to make him understand he can be happy without him. As he reached the cabin he noticed there wasn’t a truck parked up out front. He wondered if Alex had gone out but then he realised the time of day so he thought not. As he walked up to the front door he noticed none of the lights were on and most of the furniture had been covered up. 

Michael’s heart started racing, where had he gone? He started to scale the house looking in every window. He saw the same thing throughout, furniture covered, lights off, no one inside. He picked up the pot plant that had the key underneath and let himself inside. The table in the living room was the only thing that wasn’t covered up. On it was a white paper that was folded up. As he walked towards it he read ‘Guerin’ at the front of it. His heart, at this point, was pounding in his chest. As he read over the letter bits of it stuck out to him. ‘I hope you’re happy with Maria, i wish you the best’. 

How could he have known, known that Michael had made the biggest mistake of his life. He started shaking, letting the tears fall freely as he read everything Alex had written. He told Michael he had left Roswell to move on somewhere new, he may return in a few months but if he doesn’t then he wants him to know that what they had was good and that he was sorry if had hurt him. He didn’t hold any bad blood and all he wanted was for Michael to be happy. When he had finished the letter he dropped to the ground. All the air leaving his lungs, he had a shortness of breath. Alex had left him. Left Roswell. He doesn’t know if he’s coming back. Just like when he went to war. 

Michael had well and truly lost the love of his life and it was all his own doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Alex met his new boyfriend and how he’s starting to get over Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!  
> Still pretty annoyed about the Roswell ending, Alex didn’t deserve to be hurt :(

5 months later - 

Alex looked down at his phone. He had received 5 messages all from Liz, minutes apart, telling him about her birthday party and how he MUST go by penalty of death. He sighed and moved to sit down on the couch next to him. He must admit that going back to Roswell would be fun, seeing all his friends, he missed them but he doesn’t miss the memories and he hates the thought of having to face the ones he left behind.

The last couple of months have been perfect for Alex. He must admit at first he was a bit apprehensive. He had never been out of Roswell but now he had decided to move away and start fresh somewhere new. It was liberating and terrifying at the same time but he loved it. 

During the first couple weeks he had got a job working at a small guitar store, it was nice and the people were friendly so it helped. Moving from a small town like Roswell he expected other areas to be the same and he wasn’t wrong. Alex loved the sense of community and finally feeling like he belonged, growing up he always found it hard to express his feelings but now he was finally free from his fathers chains and he could be the man he wanted to be. 

Alex went over Liz’s text several times, typing up responses but deleting them. He was mid typing when he received a text from Jordan

‘what do you want for lunch? my treat’. 

He smiled at his phone, grin wide and eyes twinkling. His heart fluttered as he remembered his beautiful boyfriend, he didn’t know what he did to deserve such a wonderful man and he hoped to god he would never lose him. Not like he lost Michael. He must admit when he first met Jordan he didn’t realise how big a part he would play in his life, their first meeting being far from romantic. 

\- FLASHBACK -

On one of the first nights of his job, Alex and few work colleagues decided to go out for drinks to congratulate him on the new job. It was a nice feeling to be part of something wholesome, it reminded him of the friendships he formed when he was at war. 

‘It’s my round’ 

Alex smiled turning to his colleagues who were just finishing up the last round of drinks. As he reached the bar, a man standing waiting for drinks caught his eye. He had short light brown hair and a smile that lit up the room. His eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel and he had a full sleeve of tattoos on one arm. Alex had to do a double take to make sure he was real, that someone this exquisite actually existed. They talked for a while whilst Alex ordered the drinks and when he received them he walked away looking back to give him a small smile. The only thing he knew about him was that his name was Jordan. Alex cursed himself for not getting his number but he didn’t have the confidence to ask, scared of rejection. He returned to his friends and put Jordan aside in his mind.

The night was at an end and only a few still remained in the club. At this point nearly all of Alex’s work colleagues had gone home and only him and Lola, a petite blonde girl were left. She was funny and easy to get a long with and Alex knew this would be a great help especially because he didn’t know many people in town. As they were about to call it a night, Jordan called Alex over to the bar. Hesitantly he walked towards him with a small smile on his face, eyes fixed on Jordan’s face not blinking. 

‘Did you have fun tonight?’ 

Alex asked his eyes lighting up when he saw Jordan chuckle.

‘Yeah i had a pretty great time, especially because i met you’. 

Alex ignored the hammering in his chest, he loved the confidence he showed, he didn’t think he could be like that. So open.  
‘So anyways, you’re just my type and i would like to take you out on a date, would that be okay’ Jordan asked point blank. 

Alex loved his boldness, how he could make the whole room stand and stare at him because he was a work of art. Perfectly chiselled like a fine statue. He couldn’t believe his luck that someone as perfect as him could actually like someone as so unappealing as himself. Alex gave a smile agreeing to the date and allowed Jordan to put his number into his phone. As he was walking away Jordan hugged him goodbye and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Till we meet again’ offering a smile to Alex.  
His whole body felt warm. He didn’t think that after Michael he could feel like this again but he was wrong. There really are plenty more fish in the sea. 

\- END FLASHBACK - 

Alex smiled widely, counting himself lucky he has someone who loves him unconditionally. He knows that everyone deserves happiness but he had a hard time believing that he was entitled to this privilege as well. For the first few dates with Jordan he was waiting for something to mess up, for him to do or say something wrong that would make him walk away but that didn’t happen. After a while he started to become comfortable with him and Alex had slowly started reducing the amount of hours he spent thinking about Michael. As they got closer Alex started sharing secrets he had locked up, grabbing any chance he took to offload some of the heartbreak and pain. They had spoken about how his dad used to abuse him and his mum walked out on him. How he never felt like he belonged anywhere before and how he went to war and lost his leg. He told him little bits of information on Michael not enclosing too much not wanting to scare him off. To his surprise Jordan understood and he stayed with him through it all. Weeks turned into months and before Alex knew it he had fallen hard for this man and he couldn’t imagine life without him. 

He typed a quick text back

‘Whatever you want to eat is fine, i love you’. 

He smiled again at the ‘i love you’. He never realised the thrill he would feel by using the words. He has never heard those words from anyone, he knew what he and Michael had was love but he had never heard it, not even sure his father loved him so how would he know what love felt like? Now he was stronger and in a better place, His dad couldn’t hurt him anymore and he finally had someone he could rely on and trust with his heart. 

Another incoming text from Liz brought Alex back to reality. He opened the chat and started typing a new response.

‘I’ll come if you let me bring a plus one’. 

He sent the text and few minutes later he got a response. 

‘That’s fine!! I’m so excited to see you’. 

Alex closed his eyes and pictured everyone’s reactions to Jordan in Roswell. He loves that he can call him his boyfriend and he wants to share it with his friends back home, but how will Michael react. His heart drops, remembering how Michael now had Maria and didn’t care. The betrayal didn’t hurt any less than it did 5 months ago, but it was something he had to live with even if it physically pained him. Even though Jordan was perfect and he was helping Alex move forward, there’s things that can’t just be forgotten and there’s some heartbreaks that can’t be gotten over so easily. 

Alex leaned back against the couch closing his eyes. In just a few days he’d be back in Roswell facing all the memories he tried to run away from. He was going to enjoy the bliss of being away while it lasts before his heart is ripped out of his chest for the hundredth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Leave Kudos & comment ❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex see each other after 5 months of being apart

As Alex drove into the wild pony parking lot he a feeling of dread overcome him. He smiled softly at Jordan who seemed oblivious to the sudden mood change as Alex realised he was still not ready to face the memories he had left in the town.

He left the car, hands trembling as fear took him. Jordan held tightly onto Alex’s hand reassuring him that everything was fine and that he was there to protect him from whatever he was scared of. They got to the door and walked in. Nothing had changed, even after 5 months of not being in Roswell, everything was still the same. Same people, same feelings, same town. It was just like when he would come back from war, each time coming back more changed until he didn’t recognise himself anymore. But the one thing he could count on that didn’t change was Roswell. It held many memories Alex wanted to forget but also memories that made him the person he was today, he wouldn’t change that for the world.

Liz was the first person to notice the new couple who entered the bar. She darted towards Alex wrapping him in a warm embrace. 

‘I missed you so much Alex! How are you?Who’s this? How’s everything? ’ she asked, unsure of what she wanted to know the most. 

He filled her in on the major details, how after all the drama with Noah, and Michael, he just wanted to get away and clear his mind. Alex then introduced Liz to Jordan, beaming as her smile widened when he called him his boyfriend. He was lucky to have a friend like her, someone who would love him unconditionally. Even if sometimes she got things wrong and that love is misplaced he knew she didn’t have bad intentions. 

Alex had been there a while, engrossed in conversation with Kyle and Jordan. He was happy his favourite people could get along so easily, it caused less strain on his heart. As Jordan left to go get more drinks from the bar, Kyle asked the thing he was dying to know. 

‘What happened to Michael? I thought you two had a thing going on.’ 

Alex’s face hardened, he didn’t want to be reminded of Michael so quickly into the night, especially if he would be here a while and inevitably run into the man who plagues his nightmares. 

‘He moved on with Maria, i made him wait too long and he gave up, its fine i’m over him and i’m happy now’ Alex responded fiddling with his fingers not wanting to meet Kyle’s gaze in case he would suspect he was lying. 

Of course he was lying. He might be happy with Jordan, but he didn’t give him the same feeling that Michael did, Michael was one of a kind and was permanently tattooed on his heart. He couldn’t get rid of that kind of connection. But still he played along, lied through his teeth hoping it was the truth because honestly it would be easier, less of a painful reminder of what he lost because of his own insecurities. 

Kyle was about to ask another question when Jordan returned pressing a small kiss to Alex’s cheek. Kyle knew well enough that Michael was probably a sensitive issue in their relationship and he made a mental note to ask Alex more later on. 

Alex’s eyes wandered around the room until his gaze landed on one person. His breath hitched as he took in the sight he was seeing. Michael. He looked more beautiful than ever. His curls, his eyes, his smile. It took everything in Alex not to run up to him and kiss him. He knew he couldn’t, but it didn’t stop the sudden urge from rising in his chest. 

Getting lost in a train of thought, Alex didn’t realise the person who he was staring so lovingly at had met his gaze and was staring back in the same fashion. When Alex came to the realisation he looked down immediately embarrassed. He didn’t want their first encounter in months to be reckless pining, especially when they both had other people in their lives now and it wasn’t just them. 

His eyes widened as he realised Michael was walking towards him, a yearning look on his face. Alex fidgeted pretending to look interested in Kyle and Jordan speaking and ignoring the pounding in his chest. Michael was coming over here. He wasn’t ready for that. Breathe. Breathe.

Alex looked up slowly meeting Michael’s gaze but his face dropped when he realised he wasn’t alone. Maria stood territorially next to Michael, arms linked, with a quizzical look. Alex reminded himself to breathe, letting out what he felt like had been trapped for centuries. 

Jordan must’ve sensed Alex’s anxiousness because he slipped his hand in between his fingers and squeezed tightly offering a smile to his boyfriend. Maria was the first one to speak, slicing the awkwardness with her sharp tongue. 

‘Hi Alex! How are you? I’m so happy for you - finally moved on’ she spoke calculatedly with a sarcastic undertone. 

‘I’m good, how are you? I’m glad Michael’s finally got someone to look after him, i wish you both the best’ he almost whispered then offered a quick hug to Maria faking a smile. What he said was true, he did wish them the best. Michael the best. Even if it meant it wasn’t with him.

All through the painful encounter Michael remained silent. Offering apology glances at Alex every time Maria spoke out of turn. 

It pained Alex to think that he wasn’t enough for Michael and with the silence he was showing meant he agreed with everything Maria was saying and this stung. 

Alex reached out and kissed Jordan’s fingers, hands still attached. This gained a heartbroken look from Michael who’s colour had drained out of his face. He didn’t expect Alex to move on this quickly. Oh how he was wrong. 

The conversation came to a halt when the song changed to a slow low melody music and the DJ told all the couples to join the floor. Jordan dragged Alex onto the it. Alex loved how confident he felt when he was with Jordan, he could never have that with Michael, always having little insecurities reaching the surface. It’s like he was a different person. 

Jordan and Alex danced arm in arm, carefully swaying across the dancefloor. Jordan being mindful of Alex’s prosthetic trying to create ease for him. They were joined by Liz and Max, Isobel and Kyle, and Michael and Maria.

He knew he shouldn’t but Alex couldn’t help but stare at the way Michael was holding Maria. Like she was the only thing that mattered. He missed being held like that. He missed the feeling of Michael’s hands against his skin. 

The song had been playing a while when Michael finally decided to take in the man who he’d been trying to block from his mind. He finally let himself see Alex. See the person he’s become and how strong and confident he is. As he watched him dance with Jordan, without a care in the world, their eyes met. It’s like their cosmic connection always knew when the other was looking. It’s the kind of fate you can’t hide from. 

Alex stared tentatively at Michael as he looked up and down his body he noticed something. His hand. It was healed. 

Alex heart raced and his eyes became blurry. He began to become unsteady on his feet and moved to sit down on a nearby table. Jordan had been asked to dance by Liz which meant Alex was left alone. He looked up seeing Michael staring back at him and he couldn’t stand it anymore, he ran out of the bar to get some fresh air. 

How could a memory that lasted 10 years just be erased? The hand. The hand was the reason why Alex was so reluctant to commit. He was scared what his dad would do to Michael and he blamed himself for him getting hurt. It was the reason why Alex went to war. Too scared to face the reality of being near Michael knowing he blamed him for what his dad did. It hurt. It hurt that Michael had healed his hand without telling Alex, its like he wanted the reminder gone. He had truly moved on.

He leaned against his truck trying to get his breathing to even out. It was a technique he had learned in therapy after he lost his leg. The PTSD taking hold of him almost daily, it was the only thing he could do to help him relax.

‘Alex’ a soft voiced called. 

As Alex looked up at the call of his name, his eyes were met by a concerned Guerin. 

‘Are you okay? I saw you leave i wanted to know if you were okay’ he questioned, scared of what the answer may be.

‘No Guerin, i’m not okay, you’ve moved on with my best friend and you’ve stopped loving me. It hurts, it fucking hurts. You just left me at your trailer, i waited and i waited for you to come but you didn’t come and when i realised i went looking and found you with her. It felt like i was being shot. Like i had lost my leg all over again. I thought we were on the same page, i thought you wanted to be with me, just like i did you. It turns out i was wrong’ 

Alex broke down, tears streaming all down his face as he couldn’t bare facing Michael’s eyes.

‘Alex, i can explain, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry. Ive missed you so much since you’ve been away. I wanted to speak to you but i went to your cabin and it was empty, i missed my chance...uh I made a mistake, a big mistake and i regret it, i still love you i always will, don’t ever think i don’t.’ Michael too was crying now uncontrollably, how could Alex think he didn’t love him, Alex was the only thing apart from his siblings that he loved. 

‘No i don’t want your apologies or your explanations, you can’t change the past you just have to carry on and go with the decisions you’ve already made. I’m happy now, finally i’m happy. After so long of being upset and heartbroken over what you did, i got over it. I got over you. You don’t love me, i know that now. I should’ve listened to you that day at Caufield when you told me you didn’t love me, i should’ve let it, us, go. I was stupid and blind to risk my own life just because of a past fling. I don’t hate you, i really don’t, i tried to hate you but i can’t. It’s was my fault I’ve not exactly been loveable, it’s only natural that you wouldn’t want to be with me once you realised the real me’ At this point Alex had been silently crying so hard his head pounded, the tears never seemed to stop. 

Michael’s face was scrunched up, his faced matched how Alex was feeling and he hated that he was the cause of that. He took one last glance at Michael’s face before he gave the last blow.

‘It’s okay to look away Michael, i don’t blame you’ Alex squeezed his eyes shut scared of Michael’s reaction. He knew the impact this would have on him. Finally putting an end to the cat and mouse game they had been playing all these years. It was final. 

Alex wiped his tears and straightened himself up trying to look somewhat presentable. He watched as Michael’s demeanour changed at the mention of his name. In all the years he had known him, he had never called him by his first name. ‘Guerin’ always held a sentimental value, almost like a pet name. It kept him close to Alex, it was their little secret. 

He approached Michael slowly. Alex’s heart dropped when Michael flinched when Alex leaned in to kiss him on the head. Lingering longer than necessary scared to let go of a connection that 10 years couldn’t stop. 

He had done this. 

Caused Michael to amount to a vulnerable child. Michael was scared of him. He could never love him. He feared him, just like he feared his father and everything he did to the other aliens. 

Alex let go. 

‘Jordan will be wondering where i got to’ and with that he left a broken Michael outside. 

As soon as Alex was out of sight Michael let himself fall to the ground. He’s lost him, he will never get him back. The feeling killing Michael, he’s such an idiot. How could he treat someone as precious as Alex so horribly. He was a horrible person and now finally Alex has started to realise it. Suddenly an anger jolted out of Michael sending waves smashing all the lights in the area. 

He watched as the glass filled the parking lot and he shut his eyes. Just hoping for one second that the pain would stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment & kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, next one coming later today or tomorrow :))) 
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Reading!! 
> 
> Sorry i haven’t updated in a while, i had writers block :((

Michael dropped down to the ground. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Just as quickly as it started, it ended. He was left now with Alex forcing himself to become a distant memory. He knows he shouldn’t be upset about this, he had Maria. But it didn’t help the fact that this hurt more than anything he had experienced in his life. It was final. They were finished without no point of return. The pain overcame Michael as he held his head in his hands tears spilling. 

An hour had passed, and Isobel and Max had picked up Michael and brought him back to his trailer. He didn’t know how long he was outside the Pony for before they came to his rescue but still traumatised by the recent events he wasn’t processing much of his surroundings. They had tried asking him what was wrong but by the lack of communication and heartbroken look on his face they assumed it had something to do with Alex Manes. They didn’t know all the details about them both, but it was clear after his chat with Isobel that he loved him. She didn’t understand the pain surrounding their years of love because it was something Michael never told anyone. Never really opening up and showing himself. But she knew that if they had loved each other that much then they would be together in the end. 

Michael, after hours of crying, finally fell asleep in a pool of tears. Max and Isobel reluctantly left after staying with him for a few hours. Michael had promised them he would be fine and that the ‘Alex’ chapter in his life was now over, he was finally free. This was a lie. As soon as they left Michael broke down once again, clutching at his chest, even after all the years Alex was at war, all the heartbreak he faced in the decade of being star crossed lovers, he had never felt a pain like this. He had convinced himself he didn’t care about Alex but it was all an act. Alex Manes, the man who he hadn’t been able to get out of his head since he was 17 years old. He will never stop caring about him, but now he’s going to have to. 

Michael woke up after a terrible nights sleep of tossing and turning. He woke up screaming out for Alex and reliving the breakup, if he could even call it a breakup, again. How many times would he have to relive the horrific moments? Forever?

After hours of thinking about it, he realised that even though it hurt. Even though he feels physically sick thinking about the pain he’s put Alex through, at least the pain made it real. It made it concrete in his head that it wasn’t an illusion, he really felt that deeply about someone and they felt it back, he really found his soulmate, even if he can’t have that same feeling again, he was lucky enough to experience it at least once in his life. He was lucky. The man who gets to fall in love with Alex Manes is fucking lucky. To have someone who loves as hard as him is a blessing, a blessing he couldn’t appreciate until it was violently snatched away from him. Michael had to convince himself to move on now, to honour his decision and allow Alex to move on too. It might hurt like a bitch, but it’s what he deserves. He deserves to have someone be there for him like Maria is for Michael. Even though when he finds that person it will split Michael in two, he has to stick by his decision. 

He has to be over Alex Manes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Updates coming soon
> 
> @fxndomlocks - on instagram for lockscreen on favourite tv characters 
> 
> @justarkham - personal instagram


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